Nature's Symphony

Hello Dear Readers,

Life has been blissful this summer and between camping trips, beach days, and weekend get aways to beautiful places I haven't had a shred of time to post here. Being out in nature has been amazing this summer and has brought healing and restoration I hadn't ever imagined. I've also been enjoying being "unplugged" from technology for days at a time. There is a special simplicity to life without e-mail, facebook, blogging, etc. I do a lot of driving normally; to and from school every day, ballet lessons almost every day, and the typical busy mom schedule. The lack of driving time has been so wonderful. When I'm home I've tried to spend at least a half hour outside every day just to soak in the sun, the garden, the breeze, and life itself.

A few weeks ago we went on a family camping trip to get a little mini weekend vacation. We were disappointed to find that the campground was full, but there were some environmental camp sights open. This means basically that our camp was off the beaten path and we had to hike in quite a ways to get to our camping spot. By the time we got all of the gear packed in we were exhausted. It was hot, and it had taken us about an hour to get everything out of the car and to the site. After we were done the kids went down to the creek and Ron took a nap. It turns out we were camping in the midst of an old apple orchard and there were beautiful apple and cherry trees right above us! I closed my eyes and just listened to the quiet lull of the creek trickling by. Then I heard crickets all around me and they sounded like a small orchestra singing in unison. The wind blew through the trees and the leaves rustled, softly at first, then with a crescendo like an orchestra. I sat there listening to this incredible nature symphony, entranced by the beauty, surrounded by peace. A bird started singing the most beautiful song which fit in perfectly to the symphony and I heard God say to me, "This is you. Some people are made to be like others, to be part of the symphony or the choir, but you are a soloist." All of a sudden I realized that I've seen myself as being different, not fitting into organized religion. That "being different" has been lonely, challenging, and has tested and stretched my faith beyond where I thought I could go. It has made me feel like an outcast and a freak at times. But I'm seeing that I wasn't made to fit into a mold. I think this is the beginning of healing for me and I'm seeing my perspective shifting.

The IC tells us who we're supposed to be and it discourages individuality. How can a bird be a cricket, or a leaf a bird? So who are you; the quiet lull of the creek, the loud rustle of the leaves, the sharp chirping of the cricket, the soloist bird, the graceful deer....or maybe you're like Buster the alpaca in the picture above...who wouldn't love that face?!

More on Hearing

The longer I'm outside of organized religion the more I seem to be hearing God's voice and acting on it. The most profound thing about hearing His voice now is that I don't even realize I've heard it until the words are out of my mouth and it becomes obvious I was hearing Him. It's kind of like this: Remember when you first met your spouse and you had to ask him/her what they meant when they said something? Then over time you came to know them so well that you could sit in the same room with them and know exactly what they were thinking, or know what they were going to say before they said it?

The other day I was hanging out with some of my friends who don't know Jesus yet. We were talking about life in general and one of the girls I was talking with mentioned the fact that she doesn't have a relationship with her father. She talked about growing up with her mom and what it's been like to not have a dad. This led to a discussion on the topic of bad people. I don't remember how I brought up the topic, but I ended up talking about child molesters. She spoke up and said that her father was a child molester, and that this was the reason she has chosen not to have a relationship with him. In the past I would have most likely felt God speak directly to me about this, but this time I had no nudging from the holy spirit whatsoever. I just spoke out, and I feel my words were absolutely inspired by the holy spirit. After this discussion I noticed the girl was much more open to me. I feel that I now have a bridge into her life because of our conversation.

After this happened the thought occurred to me: Can we become so in touch and intertwined with the holy spirit that our conversation is guided by the spirit's leading all the time? Not only that, but can we live a life where we constantly speak words of knowledge/wisdom that are so accurate to a situation without even knowing it?

When Jesus walked the earth He spoke truth because He was truth. Then He told us that we would do even greater things than He did. I'm sure He never had the thought, "I feel like God is telling me such and such." No, He simply spoke and His words were truth. So why can't we as followers of Jesus have this same authority and truth? I think we can. The question is, what is holding us back from this authority?

I'm perplexed as to why I'm hearing God so much more now that I'm out of the IC. Especially when it seems that now I'm not "trying" to hear His voice. I used to toil and sweat over hearing from Him honestly! Maybe that was the problem - maybe too much of me was in the way. Now I live my life following Jesus, and if He chooses to speak to me I'm in awe, but if I don't hear from Him for a while I'm not stressing out about it. Maybe I was trying too hard...

My daughter has taken ballet classes for the past four years. I've watched her skill develop slowly over time and now all of the years of technique and training are beginning to show. Dancing is becoming a part of her, and she doesn't have to think before her next step; the steps flow naturally without premeditation. She is finding herself in her dance, her confidence is rising, and when she moves she isn't afraid of making a mistake. Her movement looks effortless and graceful. This is how I want to hear God's voice. I want His words to flow through me without effort. I want the dance of my life to be fused with the music of His voice.

Birds on the Wires

Birds on the Wires from Jarbas Agnelli on Vimeo.

Communication With God Beyond Hearing

Last night I saw a great movie called "August Rush" starring Robin Williams. It's about a boy music prodigy who ends up separated from his parents at birth. He has the gift of hearing music in the sounds of every day city life. Somehow he can hear his parents reaching out to him through music, and as it turns out they're both musicians. The boy gets discovered, studies at Julliard and composes a sonnet. He tells people that music is all around us; we just need to listen for it.

Lately I've been thinking more about how people hear God's voice. Growing up in the church I was taught that the main way Christians hear God's voice is through the Bible, and honestly sometimes it was regarded the only way. I've never really heard God's voice speaking to me through the Bible, mainly only through the Psalms. Around the time I had my encounter with Lonnie Frisbee, (see my post called "Like Poop Through A Goose"), the Holy Spirit started speaking to me through different ways. I started hearing God's voice through songs on the radio, seeing Him in pictures, in art, through movies, and in many other ways. I'm an artist, so it makes sense that God would use my "language" to speak to me. But when I shared my experiences with my Christian friends they would cock their heads side ways and look at me like I was, well, a freak. So I quit telling people. They didn't understand, and it made me feel like I might have fallen off the deep end.

We hear from God, but is it possible to see Him as well - through art, movies, visual media and other ways? We were created with 5 senses at least: (sight, hearing, touch, smell and taste), and it seems to me that God would want to communicate with us through all of them, not simply through hearing alone. He is God after all!!

When I was in Thailand last summer on a mission's trip I had an experience with touching God that was outside of the normal "hearing God" way. During our daily worship and prayer time one of the girls on the team broke out into a beautiful spontaneous song. Her song was about God being our fruit that comes in all colors and flavors. The end of her song said that we were fresh fruit for others. In Thailand the fruit selection is so amazing and delicious! We were able to eat many fruits we don't have here in the US. It was pretty incredible to have God communicate to us through song, sight, touch, smell and taste all at the same time; talk about a multi-sensory experience with God!

So how does God communicate with you? I would love to hear...


One last thought. My husband shared this quote with me some years ago and it's one of my favorites so I wanted to share it with you:

"May God be to you like warm socks on your feet, straight out of the dryer"

Reclaimed Treasures

For Mother's Day my amazing husband finished the pond he's been working on for a week now. I must admit I am spoiled when it comes to having a beautiful garden, since he loves working on it and I love sitting back and enjoying the stunning beauty he creates all around us. This pond would have cost us around $1600 for supplies alone, but almost all of it was given to us for free! Most of the materials were cast offs that people didn't want for whatever reason. The wood is all reclaimed redwood from a foundation remodel down the street. The pond liner, pump and system belonged to a friend who didn't need them anymore, and the rocks, (which were turned into a waterfall), were in a pile of green waste give away. It's hard for us to believe that nobody wanted these precious items.

As I was sitting on the chair over looking the pond and listening to the musical trickle of water down the rocks I began to realize how much this pond mirrors my own life. All of these cast off pieces of nothing that the world didn't want were priceless treasures to those in need of them. When they were all joined together to create this amazingly beautiful little corner of our world they suddenly became incredibly necessary to us. Now I can't imagine our front yard without this pond. When I open the front door the sound of water rushes into my ears and I let out a deep sigh of gratitude. Peace, hope, rest, life, rejuvenation...these are all words that come to mind when I sit in this chair soaking up the sounds of life and nature.

It's hard to believe that God really loves me sometimes...even the junky cast off parts too - especially those. He finds the broken, worn, used bits of me the most necessary parts, so he can show me that it's not me doing the work in my life, but him. This work is much more than beauty rising from the ashes; it's the actual ashes themselves being turned into beauty. I can't wrap my head around this concept, this mystery. But before I know it I find myself letting it all go and then I see the beauty he creates and it leaves me speechless.

Black Sheep

Lately through direct or indirect promptings several in the IC have felt it was their duty to present me with the analogy of "the church", i.e. the IC as a "family." The logic behind their argument is that we're all part of the family of God. Every believer is a part of who we are, and we are commanded thus to love one another. Not only are we to love our brothers and sisters, but this love means that we are to interact with the other members of the family in our acceptance of them since God has orchestrated this family - we are inextricably intertwined. The people who came to me with this revelation didn't come out and say these exact words, but the insinuation was there.

After much though and reflection my response to them, which I may or may not tell them directly...(that is yet to be decided), is this hypothetical story:

Let's say you had a side to your family which was different from the other sides of your family. I know most can relate to this, as many of us have some challenging family dynamics...let's face it. So, this side of the family had decided that they didn't like you for whatever reason. In order to turn the rest of the family members against you they had shut you out of the family. They did this by excluding you from family get togethers, dinners, etc. (You knew this because they would do things like calling the wrong number - your number - to invite another family member to dinner. You didn't get invited.) They then sent you a letter in the mail saying that it was "time for you to take a break from the family." They didn't even bother to call you. Close cousins quit talking to you, calling you, even acknowledging you. One day you were called to a meeting with the parents and grandparents of the family. You were told that you were "rebellious" and needed to repent. After apologizing for doing things you didn't realize you were doing the shunning continued. Your own parents quit talking to you. Your brother was then told, "Your reputation will be severely effected if you continue to hang around your sister." So in fear he quit coming over and calling. Then the members of the family started turning on one another. Some moved away and were never heard from again. Others stayed in town, but wanted nothing to do with anyone else in the family. The stress of the family dysfunction had a serious toll on your marriage and life. You finally had enough of it and decided it was time to make a break from the family.

But there was another aunt and uncle in the family who lived in a close town who seemed different from the rest. They saw what was going on in the dysfunctional family and said it was wrong and unjust. Although you were unsure and distrusting of them, in time your guard came down. This part of the family was different, you were sure of it. They welcomed you with open arms. "Family" became wonderful again. You poured your life into the family - you gave them everything you had and sacrificed your all for them. Things seemed perfect as they should be until one day when they decided it was time for you to leave the fold. They cast you out of the family in a very cruel and unkind way. Then you had discovered that they had stolen from you. With most who steal lies became apparent, and lies emerge to cover those lies...what a tangled web we weave. This part of the family had a name to protect, so they not only turned any remaining family members against you, but they also attempted to turn the entire town against you. They even attempted to run you out of town. As a result, your remaining cousins turned against you and were bought off. Others refused to speak to you, even after repeated attempts.

You went to distant family members who refused to face the truth of what was really happening, and who wouldn't tell the truth to the rest of the family. These members were too powerful, and you felt the distant family was afraid of what they might do to them if they were to expose the truth to the whole family. So they played their part in the saga. They didn't want to know the full truth of what was happening. You finally started to stand up for yourself - you gathered together all of your strength, and you refused to be a door mat. You tried to get back what they had stolen. The distant cousins requested that you stop doing this. They told you that it wasn't your place to get back what had been stolen from you. They told you that you chose to let the things the aunt and uncle had done hurt you, that you could have done things better. They remained friends with this side of the family despite what they had done to your life. You stayed friends with this family as long as you could. But it began to tear you apart. You realized that if you didn't leave you would be destroyed.

Tell me this: Would you remain in a family that treated you this way? Would you run to them with open arms and heart after they had attempted to destroy your life?

This family may be a family by blood, but it isn't a family of the heart. Just because we are born into the same family doesn't mean we have to be in relationship with every member of that family. We can love from a distance.

The end of the story is better than the beginning:

In desperation you moved out of town far away from that entire side of the family. None of the people you had dealt with regarding the situation called you. It was as if you had never existed. One day by pure accident you stumbled upon a part of the family you never knew about. They were kind and true. They too had been effected by various family members, so they knew what you had been through. They weren't perfect, but you knew you had finally found a part of the family that you could grow to love. This family functioned with mutual respect. No one was seen as greater or less than, and there were no harsh unreasonable rules. They loved without demanding in return.

Sustainable Gardening

God has always spoken to me in unusual ways - through pictures, songs, art, dreams, etc. In fact, it has been only the rare exception for me to read a scripture and feel him speaking directly to me through it. Since I've left the IC I hear him speak to me more through scripture than ever before ironically! This has been another one of those unexpected surprises, a bonus if you would, of leaving the IC. The other day he spoke to me though a vision which hasn't happened in quite a while.

The other day I was thinking about my journey, where I've come from, where I'm going, etc. I wasn't even in deep intercession or prayer...just meditating on life. I saw a picture in my mind of a group of people partying outside. They seemed carefree and happy - dancing, drinking, laughing. Then I saw a fence and on the other side of the fence there was a large garden. There were people working hard tending the garden. They were digging, planting and watering. Then I saw something I didn't expect. I saw a few people from the "party" side along the fence reaching under it and picking some of the crop. I felt God saying to me that the party side was the IC - the people who were part of the religious system. Those in the garden were the people who had left - you could call them "organic" church. The people picking the plants along the fence line are those who are trying out and tasting the fruit of the organic church. I felt like God impressed on me that those of us who have left are in the process of investing, working, and tending the work of God.

Gardening is hard work. It can take years to get a garden fully functional. I know this because my husband is a serious gardener. Since we bought our house a year ago he's been turning our back yard into an amazing vegetable garden. I've been astounded at all of the work that goes into growing a garden. He starts with compost - lots and lots of it. He adds horse poo to the compost. It took me a while to get used to this step. It's messy and well, it stinks...a lot! But, it is essential to a really to a really rocking garden. Then he had to built raised beds for the veggies because our soil is composed of sandy rocky dirt which isn't really conducive to gardening, at all. He then put the composted soil along with other very dark organic soil into the raised beds. Meanwhile he had been growing the veggie starts from seeds. This took a lot of care because we've had a few freezing nights this spring. He lost all of our tomatoes once and had to start over from scratch with them. He finally planted the starts in the soil. Since they took root it's been pretty easy to keep them healthy, except for the occasional cat who decides the raised beds are a perfect litter box, or the pests who like the green leaves. Our goal is to have all of our veggies growing in the garden - to have a sustainable garden. My husband tells me it will take about three years for this to be possible. Yeah, gardening is hard work.

It would be so much easier to be enjoying the party over the fence, wouldn't it? But what happens when the famine comes? What resources are these people going to have to survive on? I felt like God was showing me that those of us who are working the soil are investing in something that may take a while to see fully. What we're investing in will be long lasting and sustainable.

What is God showing you through this? I would love to hear...